The Penny War Antagonism
by WeBuiltThePyramids
Summary: A fundraising event in the apartment building leads to rivalry between it's residents. Takes place sometime in season four, but no spoilers for any unaired episodes. No pairings, Shamy in a few chapters but that's not really a pairing!  :D COMPLETE
1. The Fundraiser Announcement

**So I was watching the Las Vegas episode today with my sister and when Penny and Sheldon were walking up the stairs I saw these big blue bottles outside of someone's (Mrs. Gunderson's?) door, and they looked exactly like the bottles we use in my school to raise money for people in need…so…yeah. :D**

**This takes place sometime in season four.**

**DISCLAIMER: I still own nothing. Nada.**

"I'm just saying that with us being such loyal repeat customers, The Cheesecake Factory should want to keep their weekly revenue as constant as possible by catering to such recurring consumers."

"Sheldon, let it go," Leonard begged.

"No, I'm not going to let it go. For the past three years Penny has worked at the restaurant on Tuesdays. For the past three years we've gone to the restaurant on Tuesdays, so Penny can bring me my cheeseburger. Tonight we went to the Cheesecake Factory to discover that Tuesday is now Penny's day off. How can I possibly let it go?"

"You already yelled at everyone working there, what more can you possibly do?" Leonard dropped his soda can into the lobby's garbage.

"Hey guys."

"You, Miss!" Sheldon said, turning from his mailbox and pointing at the woman standing at the bottom of the stairs. "How could you? How could you possibly allow them to give you Tuesdays off?"

"It's just the next few weeks," Penny said. "Bernadette's got to babysit her niece the next three Tuesdays, so I switched with her so-"

"You did this _on purpose_?"

Penny held his gaze for a moment longer, impartiality on her face, before turning to Leonard and smiling. "Hi."

"Hi."

Sheldon's shoulders were slightly hunched as he stood to the right of the elevator. "Leonard," Penny said sweetly. "Can you ask your protocol droid to move so I can get to the mailbox?"

Sheldon's face twitched slightly, but he moved aside. "Thanks, C-3PO," she said. "Ooh, what's this?" She pulled a neon yellow paper out of her mailbox and turned it over. "Did you guys get one of these?"

"What is it?" Leonard asked.

"To tenants of blah blah blah…" Penny scanned the flyer. "Did you guys hear about the fire at the senior citizen's home?"

"What? No." Leonard came to stand beside her, leaning over to read the flyer. "Oh my God, that's awful. So they're having a fundraiser to help pay for it?"

"Yeah. Apparently two of the residents there used to live here."

"Oh yes," Sheldon said. "Mr. and Mrs. Richardson. They moved out a few weeks before Mrs. Grossinger moved in with that God-awful dog."

"Cool!" Penny said.

"In what universe is that dog 'cool'?"

"I think she means the building's fundraiser, Sheldon."

"Yeah," Penny said, reading from the flyer. "'Starting tomorrow there will be jars outside of each of your doors. Pennies are positive points; silver coins and paper money are negative points. Whoever has the most positive points at the end of the week is exempt from rent next month. Feel free to sabotage other tenants with your spare silver change'." Her jaw dropped and she grinned, looking at Leonard. "This is going to be fun!"

"Sheldon, do we have one of those flyers?"

Sheldon shrugged. "I don't know. I haven't gotten the mail yet."

Leonard sighed. "_Can_ you _get_ the mail?"

Sheldon sighed, turning and yanking open 4A's mailbox. "Yep." He drew out the mail. "We've got the flyer, though why I should participate in this nonsense is beyond me."

"Don't you want to help people?" Penny asked.

"Did anyone perish in this fire?"

"No, but-"

"I think unraveling the mysteries of the universe is more important than a competition designed to promote modern warfare between neighbors when the only good to come out of it is a new kitchen for elderly people that can always go to a coffeehouse for food and fresh air. To return to a more important topic, Penny, is there any possible way that you can work for an hour on these next three Tuesdays to bring me my cheeseburger?"

"Sheldon, leave her alone-"

"No no no," Penny said, putting a hand on Leonard's shoulder to silence him. She looked Sheldon in the eye. "If you guys beat me at the penny war, I'll babysit for Bernadette so I can work Tuesday."

"You're on!" Leonard said, grinning.

"Beat you?" Sheldon snorted. "If I wanted to, I could crush you single-handedly."

"Come on, Sheldon," Leonard said. "It could be fun. We've been challenged."

"Yeah, Sheldon. It'll be fun. Or perhaps more importantly…_do you want me to bring you your cheeseburger_?" Penny cocked her head and looked at the theoretical physicist. "Or shall I leave it to someone else?"

Sheldon paused for only a moment. "Fair enough. Prepare to babysit Bernadette's niece, because Leonard and I are not only going to beat you, but we are going to win this 'penny war' and be exempt from next month's rent." He turned and headed up the stairs.

"Well, it's a way to get him to contribute to the community," Leonard said as he and Penny started climbing the stairs. "You do realize that he's going to dump a lot of silver change into your jar, don't you?"

"Oh, I know," Penny said, smiling to herself.

"And you realize that you being there on Tuesdays will save me a lot of Sheldon-trouble, meaning you have created a major incentive for me to bomb your jar as well."

"I understand."

Leonard cocked his head, grinning. "Do you really think you can beat us in this penny war, considering all of…that?" He said it in a challenging tone.

Penny stopped on the stairs, looked at him, and tipped her head, smiling mischievously. "Leonard. Sweetie. I put the 'Penny' in penny war."


	2. The Strategy Analysis

**Okay, chapter two! **

**The only season four spoiler in this chapter is the appearance of a character that has been confirmed will be returning. No plot spoilers.**

**DISCLAIMER: I still own nothing. **

There was a knocking at the apartment door, but neither Leonard nor Sheldon heard it. They were staring at Sheldon's board.

"This is turning out to be way more complicated than expected," Leonard said, hand to his chin in concentration.

Sheldon was standing in a similar position, analyzing the writing on his board. "There are a number of strategy options here, but-"

"Do you think that we're over thinking this, just a little?" Leonard asked. "You said that when you Googled this type of fundraiser it's done in schools to raise money for sports equipment. It doesn't sound too complex."

"No, it really shouldn't based on the quality of the minds usually participating in such an event," Sheldon said, "however most schools do this type of fundraiser on a regular, usually annual, basis, meaning although most likely unaware, the students have background information on what strategy works best for each team, knowledge they have been acquiring from previous years. There are too many statistical unknowns for us to simply copy them, so our best bet is to try and predict what the other tenants will do, and base our strategy on their anticipated actions."

The knocking came again. "Sheldon? Leonard?"

"It's open, Amy, come in!"

The brunette entered the apartment and eased the door shut. "I just called out this ridiculous fortune teller on the…what are you guys doing?"

"We're having a penny war," Sheldon said, grinning.

Amy nodded slowly. "Uh-huh." There was a silence before she cocked her head. "Okay, what's that?"

Sheldon and Leonard explained the competition. "We've been challenged by Penny, and if we beat her, she's going to bring me my cheeseburger."

"The stakes are pretty high, then," Amy said.

What still partially scared Leonard was that he knew there was no sarcasm in Amy's comment. "Yeah, they really are. Plus whoever actually wins doesn't have to pay rent next month, so we're analyzing possible strategies to use in order to have the most positive points at the end of the week."

"In case he hasn't made this clear enough," Sheldon said, dropping his voice to an exaggerated stage whisper, "_we're trying to win!_"

"It was perfectly clear. Leonard stated clearly that you two want the most positive points at the end of the week, ergo the object is to win." Amy was nodding.

Sheldon looked at Leonard. "This woman just can't get the hang of sarcasm," he said, sighing.

"Imagine that."

Sheldon looked confused. "I don't have to imagine it, it actually happened."

Leonard cocked his head. "And you don't..n-never mind."

Sheldon and Amy looked at each other and shook their heads. "What are the strategies you're thinking of?" Amy asked.

"There are a number of them," Sheldon said stepping aside so she could view the board. "One option is to withhold our pennies until the end, leaving the other tenants under the assumption that we aren't participating."

"No," Amy said. "That's not a good idea." She held out her hand, and Leonard gave her a marker. "See," Amy said, drawing an arrow. "If you adopt that strategy after accepting a challenge from your neighbor, she'll figure it out immediately, and save up her silver change and bomb you shortly after you put the pennies you have accumulated into the jar."

"Ooh," Sheldon said, biting his lower lip as he studied the board. "Good thinking."

"We were focusing on predicting what the neighbors would do," Leonard realized. "But we have to think about what they think that we're going to do, as well."

"How much access will you have to pennies?" Amy asked, capping the marker.

"We're not sure yet. We need to see if we can get Raj and Howard to help out," Leonard said. "Why?"

"She's clearly about to offer up a strategy that's not yet on our list, Leonard."

"Thank you, Sheldon."

Sheldon looked at the board a moment longer, not even bothering to say "you're welcome," to Leonard. He appeared startled that there was a strategy that they hadn't thought of yet. "What were you considering?" He asked Amy after a moment.

"If you are able to gain ownership of a large number of pennies," Amy said, making marks on the board, "I would suggest overwhelming your jar-or so your fellow competitors think-on the first day. They'll likely retaliate with large numbers of negative points. What they won't know, is you're keeping your pennies on hold…"

"Hang on," Leonard said. "I know Penny. She'll be onto that in a minute. About eighteen months ago Sheldon lent her money. He had a huge stash that he gave her, and then she found out that he had a separate hoard which he doesn't speak about. This would be similar to that."

"Is Penny that intelligent?"

"When it comes to us, she is."

Amy tapped the marker against her chin. "In that case, don't fill your jar the first day. Put a respectable amount of pennies inside. Put a similar amount in each day, possibly varying slightly to throw off suspicion, and keep you hoard. Then, late at night on the final day, minutes before the deadline, add your final positive points."

"Interesting…" Sheldon said with appreciation.

"And meanwhile, do we just put whatever silver coins we can find in Penny's jar?"

"What about the other neighbors?" Amy asked. "They're all going to be participating."

"Penny challenged us, and she's stubborn as a mule at this sort of enterprise," Sheldon said. "She's going to be our biggest threat."

"Agreed," Leonard said, nodding.

Amy stepped back from the board and studied it. "There are a surprising number of factors involved," she said with what the roommates detected as appreciation. "This is an excellent mind exercise."

"Okay, so tonight we see how many pennies we'll be able to get, and starting tomorrow, put a portion of them into the jar each day. And our strategy can change if it needs too."

"It may well have to," Sheldon said. "This is one of those times that it's a definite con to not be friendly with anyone else in the building. On the plus side, we aren't _challenged_," he glared in the direction of Penny's apartment, "but at the same time, we don't know them well enough to make any informed inferences on how they'll go about the competition."

"Many great minds of the past have made significant contributions without there being much prior knowledge available in their fields," Amy said. "We can, too." She nodded firmly.

"Very true." Leonard nodded.

"I'll bring some pennies to the university tomorrow when I inquire about that job opening with Siebert." She added. "You need to win so Sheldon doesn't have to have a stranger-" she shuddered "handling his food." Amy put the marker down. "Is that about all we can get done tonight?"

"Most likely," Sheldon said. "At least until Koothrapali and Wolowitz come over in a few hours."

"Okay." Amy looked at Sheldon. "Want to go down to the Apple store and make fun of the guys at the genius bar?"

"_Ab_solutely!" Sheldon said. "Just let me get my jacket."

When they were gone, Leonard shook his head in disbelief. "They call that 'dating'," he said to himself, heading for the couch. With Sheldon and Amy gone, he could watch _The Clone Wars_ without any complaints.

**I felt so weird trying to write Amy because we've seen so little of her! Hope I did a decent job…though none of us will really know until we see her again.**


	3. The Lakers Jar Conjecture

**Okay, chapter three! I promise that the actual Penny War will start soon!**

"Penny? What are you doing?" Bernadette said, incredulous, as she entered the back room of The Cheesecake Factory. Her friend was sitting on a stool, her purse on the table, the contents spilled across the wooden tabletop. Bernadette had never seen so many coins in one place, piles of quarters and dimes that Penny was counting out into piles. With each completed pile, she appeared to be taking a penny roll from the restaurant's stash.

"I'm preparing to kick Sheldon Lee Cooper's ass."

Bernadette laughed. "Again? What did he do now?"

"Nothing yet, but he and Leonard are about to put a bunch of quarters into my jar and I need pennies to counteract their villainy!"

"Okay," Bernadette said, cocking her head. "Now I'm a little bit confused."

"I challenged Leonard and Sheldon to the penny war fundraiser that they're doing at the apartment building. I got every bit of silver change in my apartment and I am trading them in for pennies. Can you roll these quarters?"

Bernadette sat on another stool and began stuffing the quarters into the roll. "Why did you challenge them?"

"It was the only way that I could get them to participate, plus it gives me an excuse to mess with them. Oh, and Hannah and Taylor like me, right?"

"Yeah, why?"

"Because I kind of told Sheldon that if he beat me, I'd babysit for you so you could work Thursdays, so I could work Tuesdays."

"Why would you need to-"

"Cheeseburger."

Bernadette nodded. "Ah, that makes sense." She bit the corner of her mouth, looking down at the quarter roll. "You had a lot of silver change."

"Yeah," Penny paused in her work to look at the pile of coins on the table. "All this was kind of hanging out in my couch and in my purse. Never paid attention to spare change, but _now_, _now_ these pieces of zinc will help me defeat my neighbors in this penny war!" She cackled, or at least it sounded like a cackle to Bernadette, who looked at her friend in alarm. Penny fell silent and looked at the other waitress before giggling. "I'm getting a little carried away, aren't I?"

Bernadette giggled with her. "Maybe a little bit."

"I can't help it," Penny said. "Things were so awkward there for a while, with Leonard and the guys, but now it feels almost back to normal…the way things were, you know? I haven't felt this good in months, it's almost like I'm on a high of some sort. And this competition is so much fun, and it hasn't even started. It makes me think, but it's not over my head. It's great!" She grinned, and Bernadette grinned back. Penny's grin was contagious.

"So you're trading in a bunch of silver coins for pennies, for more positive points in your jar, right?"

Penny nodded, tapping her penny rolls with her pointer finger. "Yep."

"Could be smart," Bernadette said, finishing the roll of quarters and starting on a roll of dimes. "But aren't silver coins and dollar bills negative points?"

"Yeah," Penny said. "Don't want those!"

"It's an interesting point to consider," Bernadette said, only half to herself. "Do you forfeit your nickels, dimes, quarters, and half-dollars that you could be using to bomb Sheldon and Leonard's jar for pennies for your own, or the other way around?"

"You manage to say that in such a confusing way," Penny said, laughing. "I did think about that, and I figured that Leonard and Sheldon will be putting their negative points into my jar, because of the side competition, so I need to put as many positive ones as possible into my jar to get positive points. I figure that I can always drop a few dollars into their jar, but Sheldon's…well…annoying, so I expect that the other tenants will be a lot of help in putting negative points into his jar."

Bernadette laughed.

"Mrs. Grossinger isn't a fan of him because he complains constantly about her dog. I don't know what Mrs. Vartabedian's problem with him is, but Leonard said she doesn't like him, and it really doesn't surprise me."

"There are so many strategies involved in this. I wonder what the guys' plan is."

Penny shrugged. "Who knows? They'll over think it, but to what degree I have no idea." She finished her roll of nickels and put another penny roll in her purse. "My original guess would be that they'll put a large amount of pennies in the jar the first day to make me think that's all they have, but then they will hold a hidden stash to put in on the last day."

"Then plan your strategy around them doing that." Bernadette said.

"No," Penny said. "They won't do that. They would think of the fact that I know about Sheldon's hidden stash of money, and they'd assume that I would think they'd use that strategy in the penny war." She shook her head. "So I need to figure out what they're going to do before I can figure out what I'm going to do."

"Penny," Bernadette said after a moment. "You know Leonard and Sheldon are going to over think this. Don't do the same thing. They could ruin their game trying to predict what you'll do, and what everyone else will do, and what you and everyone else thinks that they are going to do. Just put your pennies in the jar, put silver into the other jars, and watch Sheldon and Leonard's jar for what they're doing. Don't confuse yourself with these crazy strategies."

"Yeah, you're probably right," Penny said. She put the last roll of silver change on the pile to be put in the restaurant's reserves. "Okay." She pulled the penny rolls out of her purse. "Fifty, one dollar, dollar fifty…" She counted them out, stacking the cylinders like logs. "Nine dollars and fifty cents worth of pennies." She looked at her stack, brown and red and two rows high. "It's a start."

"I have a bunch of pennies at home," Bernadette said, remembering her penny bank she'd gotten from her grandmother when she was eight. It was in her bedroom, full of pennies. "I'll bring them in for you tomorrow. I have that rainy day Lakers jar I can empty, too. I'm not saving for anything right now."

Penny shook her head. "You're saving for the rest of your education," she said. "I'll get points another way, you don't have to give me anything."

"No, my college courses are all paid for," Bernadette lied. "I'll help you beat their butts!"

Penny grinned. "We're like; super cool partners in crime now, aren't we?"

Bernadette laughed. "We sure are," she said, raising her hand for a high-five. In reality, she did need to pay for some of her classes, and she was working more than she would have liked already. However, Bernadette had seen firsthand the toll the past few months had taken on Penny. She'd lost weight since breaking up with Leonard, and her eyes grew duller and her complexion suffered as well. She'd been much more emotional at work, and always seemed listless whenever they hung out. To see her happy again, and to hear her say _I haven't felt this good in months,_ made Bernadette feel better. She'd been worried about Penny for a while, and if she had to work a few extra hours to help her in this competition that she was so excited about, she would do it.

**So I am grounded, until Sunday, and I can't get on my actual computer and all that, so luckily I had this uploaded and ready so I could do it from my phone-the next chapter won't be up until Sunday or Monday, if I can't get chapter four written Sunday night.**


	4. The Espionage Conundrum

**Here's chapter four! Sorry for the wait. Still own nothing!**

_Tap._

_Tap._

_Creeeeak._

Leonard frowned, but didn't open his eyes.

_Click._

He grabbed the other pillow and put it over his head. "Aaaah," he groaned. He was awake now, of course, but tired enough to be able to fall asleep again fairly quickly…

_Bam!_

"Dammit," he said, throwing the pillow aside and getting up. He threw on his robe and tied it as he exited his bedroom. Stopping at Sheldon's door, he knocked lightly. "Sheldon?" He whispered. "Sheldon!" When no one answered, he cracked open the door.

_Creeeeak._

So he'd established that Sheldon's door had been opened recently. Leonard peered inside the room. No Sheldon. Leonard eased the door shut, cringing at the creak. They really had to get that fixed.

Leonard continued down the hall, pausing at the bathroom door. The lights were off, and the door was half open. Sheldon wasn't in there, either.

Suddenly, Leonard had an idea of what his roommate might be doing. "God dammit, Sheldon," he said under his breath, heading out into the living area.

Sheldon was leaning against the door, peering through the peephole, both of his hands on the knob. Leonard stopped behind his white chair and watched as Sheldon stepped away from the door and turned the knob carefully.

_Click._

So that was the clicking sound Leonard had heard. He must be developing Sheldon's Vulcan hearing. "Sheldon," he said, coming toward his friend. "What the hell are you doing?"

Sheldon shut the apartment door. "Penny wars started three minutes ago."

Leonard looked at the time. "Yeah, so?"

"So," Sheldon said, glancing out the peephole again. "I'm waiting for Penny to make her move."

"It's midnight, Sheldon, I'm sure she's sleeping."

"Oh, you're sure, are you?" Sheldon asked. "Let me remind you, sir, that Penny has challenged us to beat her in this Penny War, and if she says that she put the 'Penny' in the name of this fundraiser, then we, Leonard, must put in the 'War'."

"Sheldon, this is ridiculous," Leonard said, shaking his head. "Penny's not going to be awake now, not when this thing goes on for an entire week!"

"We never know," Sheldon said in a stage whisper. "There's no rule that forbids her rising from her abode at this hour to put silver coins and or dollar bills in our jar."

"True, however there's no reason for her to do it, either."

"Penny does a lot of things when there's no reason to do them. She was involved in a romantic relationship that included a sexual component with you, and for seven months, too."

Leonard raised his head and stuck out his chin, staring at Sheldon. "Do you want me to put all my dollar bills in our jar?"

Sheldon looked confused for a moment, looked away, and then looked back at Leonard as understanding came across his face. "Oh! I crossed a line, didn't I? I apologize." He opened the door again. _Click. _"Damn it!"

"What are you doing?"

Sheldon looked at him like he had lost his mind. "I'm spying on Penny; that's what we were just discussing."

"No," Leonard said. "I mean opening the door over and over."

"I'm trying to get it to open without the click, but that's proven to be an impossible task."

"Why can't you just keep looking through the peephole?"

Sheldon sighed. "That's adequate for spying, but what if I want to sneak out to put quarters in _her_ jar? And what if she happens to be standing near her door and overhears the click? And if she's always standing by the door waiting for me to finish knocking before opening it, then why would she not be standing there waiting for me to put negative points in her jar and react accordingly?"

"By punching you in the throat?"

"No," Sheldon said. "That's if I knock on her door before eleven."

Leonard nodded. "Right, right. Have you actually put anything in her jar yet?"

"No." Sheldon said.

Leonard cocked his head. "Ah. Okay, well, good luck with…that." He turned to go back to his room, but made it only a step or two before he jumped in response to a startled yell made by Sheldon. "What the…?"

Sheldon had gone to peer through the peep hole again, but jumped back in surprise. Before either he or Leonard could say anything more, the door opened and Penny poked her head in. "Looking for something, Sheldon?"

"What are you doing?" Leonard asked her.

"Oh, I don't know," she said, standing in the threshold. "I was lying awake, thinking about what the day may bring, and I thought 'hmmm. The penny war starts today.' So I figured I should mosey on over here to see what my favorite rivals are up to." She grinned at them. "I was standing by my door, looking through the peephole, when I saw your door opening and closing, opening and closing." She entered the apartment and sat on the arm of the couch. "So, guys, what are we up to?"

"_We_ are up to nothing," Sheldon said. "_I_ am up to figuring out what's making the door creak. _Leonard_ is up to going back to bed, and _you_, madam, are up to…interfering with me figuring out what's making the door creak and Leonard going back to bed."

Penny nodded slowly. "I see." She crossed one leg over the other, resting her hands on her knee.

Sheldon stood awkwardly by the door. "I'm sorry, but are you planning on returning to your apartment any time soon?"

"I'm sorry," Penny said, "but are you kicking a guest out of your home?"

Leonard almost started laughing. Penny was there because she knew that neither him nor Sheldon would dare put negative points into Penny's jar in her presence, and Sheldon wanted her to leave so he could.

"Yeah, Sheldon," Leonard said, smirking just a little. "Are you kicking a guest out of our home?"

Penny cocked her head. _What side are you on?_ She mouthed at Leonard.

Suddenly, Sheldon did a double take, realizing what Penny was doing and looking incredulously at Leonard. "Yeah, who's side are you on?"

Leonard didn't say anything, but turned and headed back to bed. Oh, he wanted to win the Penny War, all right, but they didn't need _both_ of 4A's residents to stay awake.

* * *

Penny slid down the arm of the chair to sit on the right end of the couch. Sheldon stood by the door.

"Penny?"

"Sheldon?"

"I'm armed for battle. You are going to have to _bring it_. This is going to be an exhausting week, and this is only the beginning…"

Penny fought off the urge to yawn. Damn, she was tired, but she knew that he wanted her to leave. She needed _him _to be the one to go to bed first. "Sheldon?"

"Penny?"

She folded her arms and cocked her head. "I'm not leaving."

He sighed. "Damn."

Penny needed another plan. She couldn't call Mrs. Cooper at this hour, but as far as Sheldon's Kryptonite Part Two... "Your Mee-Maw's had sex."

"Okay, how about this." Sheldon spoke so fast it was hard to distinguish individual words. "We put off the Penny War until tomorrow and all go to bed now and no putting negative points in jars and no Mee Maws!"

"Okay, I heard 'go to bed', so…" Penny shrugged, standing up. "If that's the way you want it. Good-night, Sheldon."

Before going to bed, Sheldon flipped over his board and looked at the chart he'd drawn on the back. Begrudgingly he filled in the first bits of data. "Penny, 1. Sheldon and Leonard, zero."


	5. The Abraham Lincoln Encounter

**Okay, here's chapter five. I'm not really happy with it, but I wanted to at least have some Raj and Howard in this story…yeah, so here it is.**

"Wait," Raj said, putting down his soda and holding up a finger to silence the experimental physicist. "Let me see if I have this right. Penny's managing to win this penny war even though neither of you have put anything into anyone's jar yet?"

Leonard nodded. "Pretty much. She came over last night and…"

"Came over as in…?" Howard leaned forward curiously.

"As in she sat on the couch and stared at us because she knew that we wouldn't put anything into her jar while she was there."

"Why does it matter if she was there?" Raj asked. "She's the one who challenged you; she knows that you're planning on putting all of that silver into her jar, so why would it matter if she actually saw you doing it?

Leonard was silent. "It made sense last night," he said finally. "Neither of us wanted to be seen making the first move, I guess."

"How long is this thing going on again?" Howard asked. "Sheldon looked awfully tired today."

Leonard nodded as he drank his cola. "Yeah." He picked up a napkin to wipe the pop from his upper lip. "It's a week long competition, and he spent nearly all of last night reviewing all the possible strategies and trying to figure out which ones could include Penny wanting to prevent us from bombing her jar to the extent of using her presence to deter us."

"And what strategies did he come up with?" Raj asked.

Leonard sighed. "Considering Penny's competitive spirit…all of them."

"She is pretty competitive," Raj agreed. "Especially at Halo." Cocking his head, he looked slyly at Leonard. "Could she outdo you…you know…?"

Leonard tipped his head to the side in surprise, raising his eyebrows. "Uh…" His expression changed from shock to irritation. "Is Sheldon not the only one who doesn't understand an inappropriate question?"

"I think we have our answer," Howard said under his breath. "So anyway…Leonard…" he said in a loud voice, "I'm surprised you haven't asked me about the help that I promised you yesterday."

"If this is still about Penny, Howard, I don't want or need a stripper. But thank you for offering!"

"No need to be sarcastic," Howard said, glancing to the side an appearing slightly hurt. "I was talking about the penny war."

"Ooh!" Leonard scooted his chair in closer to the table. "What did you have in mind?"

"Well," Howard said, "As you know, my mother is a bit…eccentric, and she keeps all sorts of things in our hall closet, you know, wigs, my dad's old toolbox, this weird plaster cat skeleton…"

"Can we fast forward to the point?" Leonard asked. "I need to get back to work."

"Okay, okay, well I was looking through it this weekend because I couldn't find my blow up doll, and…"

"Okay, dude, how about _no details_ aside from the penny war stuff?" Raj suggested.

Howard sighed. "Fair enough. I found this big old backpack, and inside, among…" his voice grew quiet "_no details, no details_…there was this robot bank that I had when I was younger. Inside it was four dollars and three cents worth of pennies."

"Four dollars and three cents?" Leonard grinned in surprise. "Nice, Howard!"

"Hold on, hold on." Howard held up his hand. "I need something from you."

"No matter what I tell you, Howard, Penny's not going to fall for it."

"Ooooh," Howard said, "I'm amazing Leonard, stuff only works on Penny when I say slash do it." He rolled his eyes. "Anyway, that's not what I was going to say." He paused, looked away, and then looked back at Leonard, folding his hands. "I need you to ask Penny to tell Bernadette to give me back _Sensational Spiderman_."

Leonard frowned. "Why? Why does she have it?"

"I had it in my work binder when I went to her place once, and I left it there by accident, and we broke up the next day, and it would be awkward to go over there 'hey, hi, can I get my comic book back?'"

Leonard sighed. "Fine."

Howard didn't move. "Uh…right now."

"Fine." Leonard pulled out his cell phone and held down the '2' key.

"Hey, Leonard, guess who's looking at me from within your jar? Mister Abraham Lincoln himself!"

Five hundred negative points. "Oh boy, I can't wait to get home and see," he said dryly. "Listen, I need to ask you a favor."

"If you're at the restaurant, I've already instructed the other waitresses to not make change for you unless you order a meal."

"I'm at work, Penny, and this has to do with Howard." It wasn't a lie, Leonard figured. He didn't say it had nothing to do with the penny war.

"No matter what you say, Leonard, and no matter what you tell _him_, I'm not going to fall for it."

"I'm not going to tell him anything," Leonard said. "What am I, some sort of jerk?"

She laughed. "I'm just teasing you. So what's up with Howard? Do I have to do some more matchmaking?"

"No…this has more to do with the first time. He left a comic book at Bernadette's and he was wondering if you could, you know, casually mention that he'd like it back."

There was silence, and for a second Leonard thought she'd hung up. Then her laughter came over the line. "Wow, Leonard, now I was so paranoid that you had some trick up your sleeve to beat me at the penny war…" he heard her snort. "And all Howard wants is his comic book back?" He heard her laughter die down and her tone become more relaxed. "Yeah, sure, I'll mention it the next time we're working together, okay?"

"Great. Thank you!"

"No problem. Leonard?"

"Uh-huh?"

"Cheryl and I went out for lunch today and I brought half a pizza home, so don't bother ordering anything for dinner, okay? I'll bring it over for everyone."

"Sounds good. I'll just order for Sheldon then." Leonard said good-bye and hung up. "Hand it over."

Howard reached in his pants pocket and yanked a sandwich bag full of pennies out. He dropped it in Leonard's hand, and the physicist smiled. "Oh, it is _on_."

* * *

When Leonard got home from work, he got the mail and went to put the four hundred and three pennies in his jar. Upon reaching it, he peered through the translucent plastic to find eleven dollars in bills and several quarters. "Awww," he sighed, tipping his hands to let the pennies slide through the jar's small opening. Less than half the pennies made it into the jar, the rest spilling onto the floor and rolling away. "Damn it."

He heard a door open and turned around. "…hi."

"Are those the pennies that Wolowitz gave you?" Penny asked, cocking her head. She stood cooly in the door, right knee bent, and watched him crawl around on the floor after the pennies. "I figured he wouldn't give you more than three or four dollars, so I added three-fifty to my original five."

"Where did these other dollars come from, then?"

"Mrs. Gunderson," Penny said. "She dropped three dollars into your jar and three dollars into mine." As she spoke, she pointed to the jars.

Leonard looked away, dropping the final pennies into his jar. "Was it for the rodeo thing?"

"Yep." Penny looked away, too. "She heard me, but it was your apartment. At least, that's what she told me when I caught her in the act."

"Ah." Leonard stood and shifted uncomfortably. Their awkward silences were fewer and farther between now, but they were still awful when they happened. Luckily, he and Penny had found a solution. He looked at her. "Friend hug?"

She grinned and came into the hall and they wrapped their arms around each other for two Mississippi's. "Much better," Penny said when they broke apart.

"Yeah." Leonard smiled. "So, pizza at six-thirty?"

"That's when Raj and Howard will be there?"

"Yep."

"That works."

They spun on their heels and headed back into their respective apartments.

**Hope that wasn't too big a letdown, I wanted to have Raj and Howard, show that Penny knows Howard almost as well as Leonard and Sheldon, and show that Penny and Leonard still have a few awkward moments but are getting past them.**


	6. The Pigeon Feed Stratagem

**Okay, I just wrote this in about ten minutes, so…hope it doesn't suck! (School and work and swim practice is drowning (no pun intended) me with work so I hardly have any time to fan write anymore! It's awful. But I had a spare hour or so tonight, so I was able to catch up on some other sites and write this!**

Leonard glanced up as the apartment door opened. "Hello, Sheldon."

Dropping his key into the bowl, Sheldon turned. He was holding something in his shirt, and as he caught sight of Leonard he appeared surprised to see him sitting on the couch. "Oh. Hello, Leonard." He came over to the coffee table and knelt beside it, spilling the contents of his shirt onto the table top. Coins. Lots of them.

The door opened again, and Amy came in, holding her topmost shirt in the same way Sheldon had. She dropped beside him and dumped her own pile of coins beside his.

"That's a lot of quarters," Leonard commented.

Amy jumped. She looked up as if she hadn't known that Leonard was there. "Oh. Hello, Leonard."

"Why do you look so shocked to see me? I live here." He set his comic book down.

Sheldon paused to consider, and then looked at Amy. "He has a point, Amy. While we have been going to parks all across southern California in our efforts to crush my unorganized, arrogant neighbor in this penny war, Leonard has been on the couch reading…" he lifted his head to see the comic book. "A rather old copy of Spiderman."

"For your information," Leonard said, "I have been working hard to…what were you doing in parks?"

"Pigeon feeders." Amy looked up and nodded. "There are a lot of elderly people that come to feed the pigeons, so the park staff set up pigeon feeders. My mother has a large quantity of pigeon feed in her possession, so I took some and Sheldon and I spread out, offering people our feed instead of the grains in the feeders. We pointed out that our feed was fresh, and the feeders had been out in the rain."

Leonard cocked his head. "But…the seeds are in sealed dispensers."

Amy sighed. "There have been many children left behind, Leonard. We were simply using it to our advantage."

"So how much did you raise?"

"Almost eleven dollars worth of quarters," Sheldon said, smiling. "All but twenty-five cents worth will be going into Penny's jar."

"Where's the other quarter going?" Leonard asked.

"Mrs. Grossinger's jar," Sheldon said. "Her dog scared me again this morning."

"Leonard, I was hoping you could help me persuade Sheldon not to go through with this plan," Amy said, looking up at the experimental physicist. "His action will provoke his second floor neighbor to attack your jar. You two do not need any additional tenants targeting you; especially if what Sheldon says about Penny's competitive nature is true."

"I'm sure whatever he told you was not exaggerated in the slightest," Leonard said. "Penny can get quite invested in competition."

"Sarcasm?" Amy asked.

"No," Sheldon responded.

Leonard grinned. "Good for you, buddy!"

Sheldon shrugged. "As much as I'd like to agree, it was prior knowledge of Penny's competitive drive that allowed me to determine Leonard's nonexistent level of sarcasm."

Leonard raised his eyebrow and eased his phone out of his pocket. _Sheldon-more personal growth!_ He texted to Penny, Howard, Raj, and Leslie.

_His ego?_

Leonard smirked, partially at the text and partially at the picture that came up as it came in. He'd taken it of Penny the morning after she'd punched Sheldon for trying to take the Lord of the Rings ring. She'd been standing in the hallway, hands held up in fists. Her expression was of one who was trying very hard to look tough.

_No, not his ego. But I can't tell you what it is about, so don't bother asking._

"Amy, I have thought long and hard about this," Sheldon said. "Mrs. Grossinger will be out with her dog for the next half-hour. If she doesn't see me placing the quarter, she won't come up here wanting revenge."

"You want to take credit for everything!" Amy said. "Your prank on Barry Kripke…"

"How do you know about that?"

Amy looked surprised that he would ask that. "It's on YouTube. Everyone has seen it."

Sheldon glanced at Leonard, and then back at Amy. "What else have you seen on YouTube?"

"Too much."

Sheldon frowned. "We'll leave the conversational topic at that then. Topic change?" He asked, looking at Amy.

"Agreed. New topic?"

"The new prototype?"

Leonard's phone vibrated again. He looked down at the screen.

_U can't tell me? U just did, u idiot. It's about the PENNY WAR!_

"Damn," he said, under his breath. _You want to know about that? I have a plan._

_Ok, tell me._

_Nope._

The next response came rather quickly. _I am prepared to top whatever ur planning on doing!_

Leonard smirked. It was working already.

"So what is this plan you have to help annihilate Penny?" Sheldon asked. "Leonard!"

Leonard jumped. "What?"

"You said that you've been working hard on this competition." Sheldon stated. He then motioned to the experimental physicist, his gestures suggesting that all Leonard did was sit on the couch. "What is the plan, sir?"

Leonard smiled. "You'll see."

"He's bluffing." Sheldon sighed, looking at Amy. "He has no plan."

Leonard grinned. "Perfect. Make sure you tell Penny that. And be very convincing."

"Why?"

"Because," Leonard said. "If you tell her that I have no plan-and you're such a bad liar-she'll know that we do. She'll exhaust all of her resources to get as many pennies and or negative points as possible, and then, somehow, we'll discover how much she has. Then, all we have to do is get more."

Amy and Sheldon tilted their heads to the side. "How are we so sure that she'll tell us how much she has?"

Leonard shrugged. "We'll think of something."

"We'll think of something? We'll _think _of something?" Sheldon started to twitch.

"Sheldon." Amy spoke in a firm voice, causing Sheldon to look over at her. "I have thought of something."

"Really?" Leonard asked. "What? Personally, I was just counting on her being overconfidant."

"We make up a number," Amy said. "Sheldon and I can work out a formula, figure out how much she likely accumulated, and tell her that we have acquired that much. You," she pointed to Leonard, "will use your familiarity with her to read her facial expressions, verbal reaction, and subtle changes in posture and tone of voice. Then, you, me, and Sheldon will meet here to discuss what her reaction means-from our two different perspectives, and we'll know if she raised more or less than that. Then, we can react accordingly."

Sheldon snorted. "Amy, Leonard, if I may." They turned to look at him, raising their eyebrows, waiting for his response. He looked as if he were about to speak for a moment longer, then cocked his head. After another moment or two, he nodded and shrugged. "Yeah, that works."

**The next chapter will, more than likely, be in an…interesting point of view.**


	7. The Third Floor Discussion

**This chapter is short because how the heck do you write these characters? Seriously! But anyway, I had to include it because my summary says "it's residents" and not "the fourth floor."**

**I still own nothing.**

It was morning. The sun came in through the translucent drapes and landed on her face. She rose from the bed and stretched, her arms aching from helping her neighbor paint the day before. She glanced at the clock. Nine A.M. The neighbors below her would still be sleeping, the ones above her gone for work. The one next to her hadn't put squat in her jar yet, so there was no point in sneaking around her. Mrs. Vartabedian probably wasn't aware the fundraiser was even going on.

Sliding her feet into her slippers, Mrs. Gunderson shuffled into the kitchen. She'd bought a rotisserie chicken the night before with a fifty dollar bill and the change was sitting on the counter. She picked it up and stuffed it into the pocket of her robe. She had a place planned for it.

Exiting her apartment ten minutes later, she tiptoed up to the fourth floor. As she expected, both apartment doors were shut, no artificial light showed underneath the door, and no raised voices could be heard from 4A. Perfect. Mrs. Gunderson held her hand out over 4A's jar and dropped in eight dollars. That would teach Sheldon to march around with those hulk arms yelling about being sad or tired or good-night-puny-human-ing everyone he came into contact with. And it would teach Leonard to stop…doing whatever had caused that "yee-haw."

Speaking of which…Mrs. Gunderson turned and regarded 4B with a shake of her head. That nice young lady had never bothered her until she started spending the night above Mrs. Gunderson's apartment and appealing to a deity in such a fashion. But all of that was worth the rest of the negative points that the elderly woman had. Apparently others agreed; Penny had a lot of negative points in her jar.

As Mrs. Gunderson returned to the third floor, she greeted her neighbor, who was just exiting her apartment door. "Good morning, there."

"Good morning!" Mrs. Vartabedian said cheerfully. "What have you been up to?"

"Fundraiser," Mrs. Gunderson said. "I was punishing those who kept us awake last year."

Mrs. Vartabedian shook her head. "You think you have it bad! They spent most nights over _my_ head. They didn't want to violate Crazy's roommate agreement that determines when a girlfriend is living with Leonard. So most nights, they were keeping me awake with their…" she trailed off and rolled her eyes.

"So are you putting silvers in their jars, too?" Mrs. Gunderson asked. "I noticed that both of them have a lot."

Mrs. Vartabedian shook her head. "I'm not participating. I'll just donate to the cause. I'm not a war person so this fundraiser isn't my cup of tea…but you know why the fourth floor has so many negative points, don't you?"

"No, I don't," Mrs. Gunderson admitted, cocking her head. "Why is it?"

"Penny challenged Leonard and Sheldon to the competition. They're trying to outdo each other."

"Where did you hear that?" Mrs. Gunderson folded her arms. It made sense, of course. Everyone in the building knew how competitive the fourth floor was.

"Grossinger was in the laundry room and overheard them discussing it at the mailboxes."

"Ah," Gunderson nodded. "That'll be interesting."

"It will." Mrs. Vartabedian nodded. "Well, I have to go fix my hair before work, but we'll talk at book club." Mrs. Gunderson nodded, and Mrs. Vartabedian smiled at her and withdrew into her own apartment.

The older woman walked over to her couch and lifted the cushion, smiling down at the coffee can filled with pennies. "Not participating, my rear."

**Wow, I just looked at my stats and I've written over 150,000 words! Yay me! *does happy dance* Or maybe that's just showing how pathetic I am, haha.**

**Review please!**


	8. The Coffee Can Evaluation

**Sorry this took so long! Hope it doesn't suck.**

Leonard entered the lobby first, carrying a bag of tangerine chicken. Behind him followed the Shamy, each one holding a bag filled with…whatever the heck they were using to build their newest 3D board game. Leonard wasn't sure why they just _had_ to get the material today, but if it would keep them busy and actually hanging out together for reasons that weren't being forced upon them, then Leonard was all for it. Sheldon needed to hang out with someone like him every once in a while. As they congregated by the elevator, Leonard turned his head so he was facing them. "Remember," he said, "confidant smiles!" Sheldon pasted on the only smile he knew how to fake, while Amy attempted something similar. "Yeah, I really didn't think that through," Leonard muttered.

"Perhaps you would be more successful in your life endeavors if you thought things through more often and thoroughly," Amy suggested.

"Shut up," Leonard said after a pause.

Sheldon cocked his head in confusion. "She's only trying to help, Leonard." Before Leonard could respond, Sheldon shook his head. "She's coming! Plan…activated!"

"Hey, Penny," Leonard said cheerfully, shifting the bag to his other arm. The first one didn't ache, but he never knew how to be casual, especially when attempting to trick someone, so he figured that motion of any kind was better than nothing. "How's it going?"

"Oh, not too bad," she said. "My dad sent me this old beer can that I kept spare change in. He found it in my room and figured I could use it for this battle." She smiled slyly. "It'll help me quite a bit."

"Are there a lot of pennies in it?" Amy asked.

"No, not too many pennies," Penny said. "But lots of silver that I can use to hurt your boyfriend's chances."

"Sheldon is a boy," Amy agreed, "and he is my friend, but he is not my boyfriend."

Sheldon looked at Penny in alarm. "I resent being called a boy!" He spat. "I am a grown man!"

"You call Amy a girl," Penny pointed out.

"Is this true, Sheldon?" Amy asked, still staring straight forward but shifting her line of sight toward the theoretical physicist.

Sheldon looked down, for a moment looking ashamed. "Yes, but only to explain that you are not my _girl_friend."

"So, Penny," Leonard said in a louder voice, attempting to draw the Shamy out of their world and back into everyone else's. "How have you been doing?"

She cocked her head. "Um…fine. I've been cutting back on…oh, you mean about the Penny War, huh?" She smiled cockily. "Oh, don't you wish you knew!"

She tipped her head toward the stairs, signaling to them to head up them with her. Leonard followed, the Shamy tagging behind. "I really don't think it'll matter much," Leonard said, shrugging and shifting the chicken to the other arm again.

"Oh yeah?" Penny was looking at him mischievously, like she was expecting him to break and ask her how much she had. "And why don't you think it'll matter?"

Leonard shrugged. The point of this strategy was to be casual, act disinterested. "I'm just not worried, that's all," he said.

They reached the third floor landing, and Penny stopped, putting her hands on her hips and looking at him; her body blocked the stairs. "Not worried, huh?" A smile came over her face. "Good."

"Antidisestablishmentarianism," Leonard muttered.

"What?" Penny asked, looking confused.

In his peripheral vision, Leonard could see the Shamy watching Penny; clearly they had heard him utter the code word. Leonard wondered how to proceed now that Penny had questioned him – he'd tried to tell the Shamy that a word like that would get Penny's attention, but Amy had insisted on antidisestablishmentarianism, making the argument that any other word might be uttered by chance in conversation, and with Leonard as the person set to give the signal, it had to be something that he would never say. As he'd expected, Penny had noticed, and while that didn't mean that she'd figure out what they were up to, Leonard was terrible at thinking on the fly. "Oh. I said…Aunt Di didn't establish the…it's not important. Thinking out loud again…silly me." The last two words were spoken quietly, as Leonard realized what an idiot he sounded like. He could tell that the Shamy was looking at him in confusion. "Anyway, coming back to relevant topics," he rambled, "I'm not concerned, because we have almost three hundred dollars just in penny points."

"Oh. Wow," Penny said, nodding as her eyes widened. "That's…pretty good."

"Yeah, we think so," Leonard said, nodding fast. "We think so." He looked past her toward the stairs. "Look, we have chicken to eat, I have a report to do, and they…have…board games to build, so…wanna let us by?"

Penny looked surprised that she was still blocking them, laughed, and stepped aside. "Sure thing. Go home and...keep thinking you're beating me, because you're totally not!"

"Hurry up, guys!" Leonard called. "Chicken's getting cold!" He sprinted up the stairs, Sheldon bounding after him and Amy following somewhat clumsily behind. Upon entering the apartment, Sheldon and Amy slammed the door and Amy slipped the chain on. Leonard put the food down on the coffee table and sank into his spot, the Shamy sitting down on the couch. "So, reactions?"

"I noticed her eyes give the impression that they were slightly larger than before," Sheldon said, "implying that she has less money than we have said that we do. Amy?"

"I had a very similar observation, Dr. Cooper," she agreed, giving a stiff nod. "Now, Dr. Hofstadter, you know her intimately. What was her response from your slightly less celebrated standpoint?"

"I think she was pretending to be afraid, honestly," Leonard said. "I don't know if she was pretending to be afraid to get us overconfident or exaggerating to try and get us _thinking_ she's pretending to be afraid when she actually is, thinking we'll slow up on our accumulation and she'll be able to pass us."

Amy and Sheldon nodded, appreciating the complexity of the situation. "It's almost baffling," Amy admitted, "which for Sheldon and I, the word 'baffling' just isn't in our vocabulary."

"On the important things," Sheldon said. "Baffling to us is love, sexual attraction, and experimental physics."

"Thanks a lot," Leonard said.

"Engineering," Amy reminded him. "You forgot engineering."

"Oh! Good point!" Sheldon nodded to Amy, and then looked at Leonard again. "And Engineering. But not because we don't comprehend it, but because we wonder how it presents a challenge to other people."

"I see." Leonard shook his head. "So, next course of action?"

"I propose we keep collecting pennies when we can, but I don't think it's necessary to go out of the way anymore," Leonard said. "But we can't stop collecting them; we don't want to get overconfident."

* * *

Penny smirked to herself as she listened to them talk. They had her number in a way; their plan was complex and really well thought out, but they made one fatal error (Penny laughed when she thought that; it sounded like a detective film), and that was assuming that no matter how they interpreted her reaction, it meant that they were beating her, and her comment about being ahead was nothing more than her attempt at hiding her fear.

Penny smiled as she pulled her ear away from their door and headed across the hall. Smiled because she'd had a good day. Smiled because her new shoes came in and they fit her perfectly.

And smiling because if the number they gave her was anywhere close to their actual count, they're assumptions were wrong.

Penny opened her kitchen cabinet and smiled at the coffee can (beer can, her ass) from her childhood filled to the top with pennies. She was so going to take this thing.


	9. The Vartabedian Collaboration

**I still don't own anything. :D**

Leonard woke up on the last day of the Penny War with a headache. "Ah," he groaned, the light from the window hurting his eyes. He rose and put on his robe, heading to the bathroom for some pain medication.

The door to Sheldon's room was open, and Leonard stuck his head inside. The bed was empty. "Sheldon?" Leonard said in confusion. "Sheldon? Where are you?"

_Clearly I'm not within earshot, or I would have answered you the first time!_

He heard the voice as if Sheldon was standing right there, and Leonard jumped. "God," he said, shaking his head. "Sheldon!" He called louder.

He walked into the living room. Dammit, where did he go? Leonard's headache wasn't going away yet, and he didn't want to run all around the city looking for his roommate. "Sheldon!"

The door to the apartment opened, and Leonard turned around to see Penny, in a white T-shirt too large for her and black shorts that were almost hidden beneath the shirt. "Sheldon's get beamed up?"

"I'm starting to think so," Leonard joked. "Did you just wake up?"

She gestured to her outfit. "What was your first clue?" She turned, heading out the door and motioning for him to follow. "Come on, we gotta find him."

"Aw, do we?" He whined jokingly.

She turned around and gave him a mock glare. "Let's go."

They walked down to the third floor, then the second, then reached the ground floor, calling Sheldon's name as loudly as they dared; it was still early and they didn't want to alarm the other tenants. Leonard checked the elevator shaft on the ground floor while Penny looked by the pay phone and in the laundry room. "Dear God, Leonard, he wouldn't be in there!" she said, shaking her head upon returning from the back rooms. "He's not back there. Let's go outside."

"I'm in my robe," Leonard said. "And socks."

"Yeah, well, look at me!" She pointed out.

"Point," Leonard said, nodding. "Let's go."

It was a bit chilly outside, but when Leonard saw that Penny didn't seem to think so, he tried to hide his shivering. He was the one in a robe, anyway.

"Sheldon!" Penny called, whistling. Leonard was about to remind her that he wasn't a dog, but that argument clearly hadn't worked before. He cupped his hands to his mouth. "Sheldon!"

Suddenly, Penny looked up, and her eyes widened. "Oh, my God!"

Leonard followed her extended arm, and his jaw dropped. Sheldon was on the third floor's windowsill, peering in a window. He was fully dressed and was dragging what appeared to be a collapsible ladder behind him. "Sheldon!" Penny called up to him. "What the hell?"

He noticed them, and put a finger to his lips. "Shhh!"

"What the hell are you doing?" Leonard said, confused and squinting; the sun wasn't helping his headache but he was almost distracted by attempting to figure out how Sheldon got to the third floor sill.

"Just some good old fashioned espionage, go away! I'm on the brink of a huge discovery." Sheldon looked in the window a moment more, and then looked back down at them. "Go away!"

"If this was Howard, I'd be on the phone with the cops," Penny said.

"We all would be," Leonard said, nodding. He took her by the elbow. "Come on, let's go back inside."

"We can't just leave him up there!" Penny said.

"You wanna go up and get him?"

Penny sighed. "Point." She followed him back inside.

Sheldon joined them in the apartment less than ten minutes later, while they were sitting in the kitchen, having coffee. "Leonard, we are about to lose the Penny War!"

"Darn right you are," Penny said, putting her mug down.

"I'm not talking about _you_," Sheldon said. He came over to the table and shuddered.

"Cold?" Leonard asked.

"You were out there," Sheldon snapped. "Of course I'm cold. I've lost feeling to my phalanges and nearly fell trying to climb back up to our floor. But that's beside the point. I saw Mrs. Vartabedian with gallons – gallons – of jars of pennies."

"Really?" Penny said, surprised. "I thought she wasn't participating."

"No one thought she was," Leonard said. "And that's why it's the perfect plan."

Penny and Sheldon understood at the exact same instant. "Oh man, she is _good_," Penny said, nodding.

"We're…how do I put this so Penny can understand…" Sheldon frowned. "Ah, screwed. We cannot possibly collect enough pennies in the next few hours to beat her."

"We could put negative points in her jar."

"I've emptied all my spare money into yours," Penny said to Leonard and Sheldon.

"Same for us," Leonard said. He looked down at the sheets of paper on the table, one of which was the flyer for the Penny War. He studied it. "I don't see any way that we can win."

Penny got off of the stool and moved around the table to study the paper over Leonard's shoulder. "You know…" she trailed off.

"What?"

"This doesn't actually _say_ that…" She looked at Leonard. "What if I…" she cocked her head. "Was a loose constructionist of the Penny War rules?" The guys looked confused. "Oh, come on, I wasn't totally useless in school! Loose constructionist! The constitution, you know…implied powers…" she trailed off, looking at Leonard.

He was nodding. "I think I know where you're going with this." He nodded faster, smiling and looking at her with approval. "It could work!"

Sheldon looked from Penny to Leonard, then back again. "I don't understand."

Penny looked at Leonard, then over at his roommate. "Okay, here's what we're going to do…"

**I'm sure it's fairly obvious what their plan is, but I was intending for it to be confusing to Sheldon, not necessarily all of you. But if you don't know…then…surprise when I update! :D**


	10. The Fourth Floor Innovation

**It's a little shorter than my usual chapters, but it gets the job done. I think… :D hope you like it! There will probably be one more after this one. That's the plan, anyway, but you know how my plans change! All I can say for certian, is it is not done now.**

**Still own nothing of significance.**

Sometime between noon and two P.M. on the Friday of the Penny War Week, the lobby went from being a quiet place only occasionally disturbed by noise or a package for one of the residents to a buzzing hive of human activity. A table was set up along the wall that could be seen by people coming down the stairs, and carts were wheeled in and set in the corner alongside stacked plastic storage boxes. A notice was taped to the front doors of the building as well as the door to the elevator. "All participants in this week's Penny War Fundraiser should deposit the contents of their jar or jars into the available boxes before six o' clock tonight. The name on the box is your official entry, make sure all names are spelled correctly and everyone is included. Please write who the money was from on the duct tape and secure it to your box or boxes, so our volunteers can determine the winner or winners."

"Winner_s_, indeed," Leonard said, smirking as he and Sheldon returned from work at three-thirty.

"Are we even sure this is allowed?" he asked. "You and Penny failed last night to provide me with sufficient documentation, ergo the original flyer for this fundraising event."

"Penny e-mailed me a copy while we were at work," Leonard said, taking a printed sheet out of his pocket. He stopped on the third floor landing and listened for any sound of mirgration between floors. There was none. "Okay," he said, opening it, "and I quote: _'Starting tomorrow there will be jars outside of each of your doors. Pennies are positive points; silver coins and paper money are negative points. Whoever has the most positive points at the end of the week is exempt from rent next month. Feel free to sabotage other tenants with your spare silver change'_." Leonard looked up at Sheldon. "See? That's all it says. And Penny called the person who planned this last night and asked him. He said he never thought of that, but nowhere does it say we can't."

Sheldon took the sheet from Leonard and studied it. "Fair enough."

* * *

When Amy entered the apartment building at four, she noticed two totes labled. The first, with one of the original blue jars filled almost to the top inside, was labled, **Mrs. Grossinger, 2A. **The second, filled with maybe fifteen dollars in pennies and the stray dime, was marked with **Ruido, 2A. **So that was why she had two tubs outside her door.

Amy raised an eyebrow, wondering why Mrs. Grossinger would have a separate entry for her dog. There were many pennies there, and not many dimes. Granted, the pennies weren't near as many as she had, but her box had much more silver in it, too.

Perhaps that was her strategy, Amy figured. Win with the dog, who nobody would bomb because they either thought it was a second jar for her or there wouldn't be enough pennies to matter. But if everyone else got most of their pennies cancelled out, the fourteen dollars in Ruido's jar would win, and as he was a resident of 2A, his owner wouldn't have to pay the rent money.

* * *

By five, jars labled **Mrs. Gunderson, Mr. and Mrs. Richardson,** and **Ms. Fountain and Mrs. Taun 5A and 6A** were down in the lobby, the last two being a single woman and her married upstairs neighbor, who had clearly compiled their earnings when the latter's husband refused to participate. Now, only 3B, 4A, and 4B hadn't brought down their money.

"She's waiting to be last," said Sheldon after returning around ten after five from his second round of espionage. "She wants to surprise us."

"Wouldn't she want us to be able to see hers when we come down?" Amy asked.

Leonard shrugged. "Your guess is as good as mine."

"Should I take the money over now?" Sheldon asked.

Leonard mulled over the suggestion for a few seconds. "Why not?"

"Help me lift it, Amy," Sheldon said, and the other scientist bent and picked up their second jar. "And the rest?" Sheldon asked Leonard.

"Hang on," he said, looking at his phone. A minute later it buzzed, and he read the message, nodding. "Okay, go ahead. I'm right behind you."

They reached the lobby. Penny was there, her own jars and coffee cans filling a storage box and a half. "I got one for you guys," she said, handing them a box, which they filled. The remainder of their collection went in the half full one of Penny's, they closed all three and pushed them into the line which had started against the far wall, labled, **Mrs. Gunderson, 3A, Mr. and Mrs. Richardson2B,** and **Ms. Fountain and Mrs. Taun Ruido 5A and 6A, Mrs. Grossinger, 2A**, and **Ruido, 2A**.

Penny stuck duct tape on each of the boxes, each labled identically.

**Fourth Floor**

They studied the line up. They didn't know exactly how much Mrs. Vartabedian had, but this was the best they could do. "We're sure that everyone's good with only getting one – third off of our rent?" Leonard asked, looking over at Penny and then at Sheldon.

They nodded. "Better than nothing," Penny said.

Leonard nodded back. "Here's hoping she doesn't have any more hidden stashes."

"Amen," Sheldon said, "…is what my mother would say."

**One more chapter, where they announce the winner. And even though they combined their money…there was still a bet going on of who could raise more, remember? We'll find out who that is, too. :D**


	11. The TellTale Wink Ambiguity

**Here's the final chapter. And please don't be mad… :D**

**I still only own the characters I've created, so…Martha? **

The residents of the apartment building gathered in the building's lobby. The wall across from the stairs, where the boxes had been lined up the day before, now housed a podium with a microphone that cheesily served as the announcement booth. The hefty woman standing at the microphone was named Martha, and she was detailing the amount of money that was raised in the Penny War, and how much that would help the cause. Then she began to discuss the actual individual achievements.

"We do have tallies from each individual apartment," said Martha, "if any of the teams are curious as to who individually had the most positive points."

"Do we want to know?" Leonard asked, glancing at his two partners in crime.

Penny looked at him, then at Sheldon, who in turn looked at her, and then Leonard. "Do we?" Penny asked.

"We had a bet!" Sheldon said. "We have to know who won it! But…I guess if all parties involved agree to nullify the aforementioned bet, it would be acceptable to not know."

Leonard saw Penny smirk at Sheldon's words, just a little bit. Clearly, she thought Sheldon was afraid that she'd won, hence his pretended hesitance at agreeing that the winner of the bet would remain unknown. He just didn't want to admit it.

"Well, I'm fine with us not knowing," Penny said, shrugging.

"Me, too," Leonard said, nodding. He really didn't care at all; he wasn't really involved in the bet, and if Sheldon thought Penny won and her winning didn't really mean, by the bet's rules, that anything drastic happened, there was really no point in finding out. "So the bet's off?"

Penny nodded. "The bet's off." The trio nodded at each other, and then looked toward the front as Martha stepped up to the microphone.

"Okay, and now we'll announce the winner," Martha said, and the lobby got quiet again. "The winning team, with a winning margin of only eight hundred positive points, is the entry of…" she paused and looked up to scan the crowd.

"Oh, stop the Hollywood drama," muttered Mrs. Grossinger.

"The fourth floor!" Martha announced.

"Yeah!" Sheldon said, throwing his hands up. "In your faces, fellow residents!"

"_All right_!" Penny said, looking at Leonard in surprise as he watched as Sheldon continued to sport a triumphant grin, Leonard himself just shaking his head in amusement. "What's up with you?"

Leonard gave a smile and half heartedly pumped his fist in the air. "We won," he said in mock enthusiasm.

"Well, some of us are actually competitive and care," she said, laughing.

He laughed. "I care. I was just enjoying watching Sheldon care."

"Congratulations," Martha said, handing them an envelope. "Your rent free card, so to speak, is in there; split it any way that you want. Do you want to know which of the two rooms had the most points?"

Penny glanced behind her, where the other residents were heading upstairs. "No, we don't want to know."

"Nope," Sheldon said, shaking his head. "Why would we want to know? We didn't have a bet."

"We called off the bet," Leonard said. "Remember?"

"I know," Sheldon said, twitching slightly.

"Me, too," Penny said, nodding.

Leonard could tell that both of them really wanted to know, just for the sake of knowing, who had won. In truth, now that he knew that they could know, Leonard kind of wanted to know, too. Martha's amused smile told them that she knew that they wanted the information, too. "Anyone?" she asked.

Penny, Leonard, and Sheldon looked at each other. Penny lifted her shoulders slightly; Sheldon looked at Leonard, and Leonard raised an eyebrow and sighed. Then they turned to Martha and spoke the same lie at the same time. "No." Leonard didn't even tell himself that 'no' was the truth. He knew it wasn't, just as he knew that Sheldon next to him and Penny two feet in front of him were also lying. They wanted to know. But the only way to truly be unable to go through with the bet was to not know.

"Okay," Martha said, smiling in clear amusement. "Will do. Thank you all for participating. It's going to a good cause."

Then she glanced at Penny, and then glanced at Leonard and Sheldon and winked.

* * *

"Well, we'll never know who won," Leonard said casually as the three of them climbed the stairs.

"Unfortunately," Sheldon said. "Amy Farrah Fowler will be so disappointed."

"She will?" Penny said in disbelief.

"I think that was a 'bazinga'," Leonard told her.

"Oh."

"Not necessarily," Sheldon said. "I have no idea if she'll take this information well or not. But I feel that she is a very competitive individual, with her constant insistence that her work is better than mine. So she will be upset to know that we…failed."

"Hey, you guys had almost everyone helping you," Penny said. "I'm sure you guys did great. I only had me and Bernadette."

"Bernadette and I," Sheldon corrected.

"Whatever." Penny rolled her eyes. "But my point is, I'm sure you guys did great."

"Thank you. We're sure you did just amazing, too," Leonard said.

"Thanks," she said, smiling. "But we'll never know, will we?"

"Nope," Leonard said, trying not to smile. Sheldon simply shook his head. "We'll never know."

Leonard and Sheldon closed the door to their apartment and high-fived. "We so won!" Leonard said.

Sheldon crossed over to his board, where the tally marks had been added up over the course of the week. He changed the current standings, **Leonard and Sheldon, 6** and **Penny 8 (unfortunately) **to **Sheldon and Leonard, infinity, Penny, zero**. Then, what Leonard had said to him appeared to sink in, and Sheldon turned to face his roommate. "Really? That's what that suspicious wink was telling us?" Sheldon said, and then cocked his head slightly to the side. "Did you pick up on my sarcasm?"

"Yes," Leonard said, amused. "And Penny has no idea!"

"And she never will," Sheldon said, looking excited. "Classic."

* * *

Bernadette picked up on the second ring. "So?"

"We ended up winning!" Penny said. "So I have some money that I won't have to spend next month."

"Who got the most positive points?" the other waitress asked.

"Well," Penny said, "We called off the bet, so it didn't matter; we were just happy to have teamed up to beat the others in the building. We decided that we didn't want to know. Well…we said we didn't want to know, but the lady who announced could totally tell that we wanted to know. And…" Penny lowered her voice to a stage whisper. "Then she glanced at me and winked. So I totally won. Leonard and Sheldon just don't know that. And they never will."

Bernadette giggled happily. "Classic."

**Sorry, I had to end it like this! And it wasn't impulse, I thought about it, that's for sure, and I just decided this was how I wanted to do it. **


End file.
